I asked myself an unexpected times how things could change so much. I confess i didn't expect  living my life this way. When i was only six years old i remember the long nights i used to wait for you to come home. I remember i used to write on my usual diary how i wished you were there at her side. I remember i used to pray to god that one day "they"could be together. I used to do that, but not anymore. As i grew up , i lost hope between them. Of course , what an innocent child could ask to see happiness even didn't exist? Some people,  said that child don't realize certain things in certain way. But it's not  true. I realized a lot when i was that age. I just wished at that time i didn't realize so many things , because now that things makes me remember the past and hurts so bad. I wished it was different , no lies , no worries, no past without memories. Im tired feeling the way i feel so long so unwaited. When all this get better? when? When can i stop crying without feeling this weight on my shoulders ?when? I hate my life. Why every question always comes when, how and why.Why my self -esteem went so down in these couple years. I used to be so confident about myself. I used to love the way i dressed, and now i don't care how i look. Why i rather being alone than with people? Why i rather being in bed, laying down and keep everything to myself? Why being different doesn't mean nothing to me Why nothing makes no sense? Everything suppose to make sense when you've the right people on your side,isn't it ? Why the word trust is not the key from my heart anymore?  Now my only hope its him. My lover, is the only person that didn't lost hope for me. He was the one that waited for me so long. I just hope i can forget all my past and move on with him ,even he doesn't have nothing to with the past.I don't want things go perfectly, i just want normal things that will mean a lot to me. I want this so bad.